But let me start with my life prior to Desteni.
I’ve been always questioning things, life at it was. I was never into career making, or starting a family and have kids. There had to be more to life I figured – I hoped for actually – because the way things were, well, not really satisfying to me.
In my twenties I came in contact with the teachings of Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh, nowadays known as Osho. A period of continuously reading his books and watching his video’s – I was so excited! Finally there were answers to my questions!
Then I started attending Rajneesh workshops in the Rajneesh communes here in the Netherlands, meditated and ‘fell in love’ with Bhagwan. Quite a special event for me – experiencing this ‘bridge’ opening in me towards him and vice versa.
I never felt the need for going to India because of experiencing myself in direct contact with Osho – so I never met him in the flesh. At the age of 28 I became his sannyasin – I wore red clothes and a mala (a chain of wooden beads with a photo of Bhagwan as a reminder of what it meant to be a sannyasin). From this moment on I became kind of public property: people obviously felt they have the right of attacking me with words but also physical. Quite an experience!
The day Osho died (at that time he already called himself Osho) I felt I will no longer be wearing these red clothes – because I did not want to be part of a community following the words of a dead master. Of course I still was a sannyasin in heart and soul – but not visible on the outside any longer.
My time as a sannyasin so far is the most exciting time in my life – because of the answers I found, because of the process I was in and because I learnt how to celebrate – myself, life. I freed myself of a lot of chains. One question however was never answered satisfactorily: how about all the suffering in the world? Osho’s view was one of karma – all the starving people were paying karma. For awhile I considered this a truthful answer – but not entirely. Obviously, like Osho himself states after his death, he missed the point of Oneness and Equality during his teachings here on earth.
I started focussing on other sources. I attended quite some weekend-workshops from all kinds of ‘movements’, therapies etc. I really don’t remember it all :) Still looking for ways, methods to free myself from Ego. I’ve read numerous books on Enlightenment from a divers group of ‘Masters’.
At one point in my life, in my thirties, I came in contact with Avatar® – the next step in my life so far to be of great influence. This was an extensive training in recognizing myself as the creator of all I was experiencing. I am the source! I learned how to use these tools effectively and freed myself of a lot of stuff and trained myself into taking responsibility for my creations. I learned how to step in and out my creations (pictures), how to stop identifying myself with my creations. This is how the Avatar training was beneficial to me.The students were encouraged to, after deletion of a belief, to create another, more ‘positive’, ‘suiting’ belief – but I never did that. I just wanted to free myself of believes – not creating new ones. Besides that I had no idea of what I would have to create: a job? a career? a happy life? no, not interested :)
I will not write about what is ‘wrong with the picture of Avatar®” – I just took out what was useful to me. Again the question rose: what about the rest of the world? I figured all I could contribute was working on myself and hope I would cause a ripple effect. I was still under the ‘soul’ delusion I was here to learn and would have many lives to come.
The training and tools in itself were very effective to step out of mind – a couple of years training resulting in me being not of the mind: stable, in breath (I used the breath as a tool) and ‘grounded’ here and now.
This period of not being of the mind lasted a couple of months, I think – don’t remember. Then I became pregnant – age 42 – and I lost myself in the mind once again – due to many unresolved childhood stuff that surfaced. The pregnancy period and the years after that – well, I was totally in survival mode once again. Not the best period in my life regarding ‘process’; however I did learn about myself as a mother in difficult times. I managed and now I know I can simply stand and do what has to be done. I have the power.My kid grew up and little by little I got more time to spend on myself. The urge to investigate After Life popped up again – after my Dad died this question became quite relevant to me.
I did research by reading and discussing the books of Jozef Rulof – a physic and trance or spirit medium. He channeled about thirty books about life, death, and the hereafter. His spirit visited the heavens and hells. Very intriguing books and they picture the heavens and hells exactly as Desteni (I found out later) with the difference that Jozef Rulof did not, like Desteni, see through the illusion created by the White Light. Probably because he didn’t visit heavens and hells on his own, but guided and fuelled by the White Light construct.Anyway, my fear of death did diminish extensively – because I would go to heaven and have my house there and everything would be so very heavenly!
In a sense I returned to Christianity – because of these writings. A sort of coming home; as a child I was quite religious, much more than my parents :) I loved Jesus but feared God with his all seeing eye and hellish punishment.
But again: through the books the message was sent that people living in bad situations (like starving) had to pay a debt (karma) and that we were not to worry about them.
So, back to the point were I started this writing: looking for video’s on physics on YouTube and stumbling upon this one Desteni video – the first of many. The third step in my life of great influence.It was quite devastating to let go of my idea of going to heaven when I die and ‘it will be good to be there’; to find out there is no God – just Anu. That we humans were no more than batteries to fuel heavens and hells. That all suffering I myself had gone through, and all of existence gone and is going through – has no other use than feeding the White Light construct! How cruel!
Quite devastating to find out the truth of existence and the programming of mind; that we are just living robots, zombies, consisting of thoughts, emotions and feelings only!
Surely I had my periods of wanting to turn my back on the Desteni message, but I always returned – because of the undeniable common sense Desteni showed me. I was actually already beyond ‘the point of no return’ – the truth staring me in the face, I was not able to deceive myself into oblivion again.
Besides that: at Desteni I found the answer to “what about the rest of the World, the starving people, the animals abused by us?” Just sitting on my ass meditating and deleting beliefs – really that is not enough!
Surely I have to ‘clean up my house’, stop my participation in the mind – like all human beings have to: now or in the near future. The DesteniiProcess courses covers the dismantling of our participation in the Mind.
Of major importance is that Desteni offers the Solution to all the suffering in the world – unlike all these guru’s and spirituality-movements! So I am actively participating in bringing the Solution into reality. For Equality for All to be established the first step is the implementation of an Equal Money System – where all suffering ends and us building a new world in Equality begins. I am proud to be a part of the Solution.
Thanks for reading.
