25 December 2009



xmas, christmas, Jesus, holidays, food, starvation, poverty, elite, Bible, Xmas tree, Christmas tree, decoration, shopping

06 July 2009

Dealing with death

was just talking with D, about the loss of Bobbie, our cat. We both do not feel well – we miss him and we are in shock because of his violent death (by car, he was hit by a car). D said he wished Bobbie was still here and I realise he is making himself sick by wishing. Wishing for something that isn’t. Bobbie is gone and wont come back. We will not touch him again but by imagining so. And that’s not real.

I am observing myself. The longing to make Bobbie ‘real’ ‘touchable’ again, making these photographic pictures of Bobbie in my head. So for a moment it is like he is here.

And projecting the images of Bobbie dying over and over again – to force myself to realize he IS gone. So I am in my head, dealing with him gone. What is HERE?


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish, long, desire for Bobbie to be with us again, touchable.

I experience loss. There is a space that is empty now, the space that Bobbie used to occupy.

I feel a need to know where he is now. An idea, picture to soothen the experience of loss. Preferably a picture of him being happy lol

D asked me where Bobbie is now. I do not know. Maybe he is reincarnated as a human, maybe he is not. I do not know if he is happy, sad or nothing. I have no answers, and that is ok. I do not want to tell D things just to make him feel more comfortable, though I am tempted because he is so sad.


What is reality? This is reality. Bobbie is gone (well, we do not see/hear/feel him=our experience of ‘he is gone’) The physical manifestation of Bobbie is lying burried in our backgarden. Bobbie as Bobbie is gone – as the cat we knew.




Bobbie, he died this Friday afternoon – a car drove over his little head.

He lived for another 10 minutes, eyes wide open, had some convulsions and then he passed away.

We put him in a little grave in our backgarden.


I miss him, his scent – I loved the way he smelled. The touch of his pelt, his little paws on the stairs…

05 July 2009


Understand that, due to Children’s Vocabulary – (Children’s Vocabulary from the perspective of ‘Being Able to Express in Words and Voice how they Experience themselves within in relation to what they See and Observe without’) – not being Developed efficiently, we that are able to do so – are able to express in words and voice how we experience ourselves within, what we see and observe – Must be the Voice for them/of them Equal and One.

This is done as Follows:
While hearing the Child’s perspective of the Event that had taken-place in their world – once the Child’s done giving perspective of the event and all participants involved, the following must be taken into consideration with regards to implementing a Practical-Solution in the Child’s World and for all other Children who have already been through such experience or could go through such experiences:

  • 1. The ‘Bully’
  • 2. The School, the Teachers and Education-System
  • 3. The being affected by the Bullying

Understand that, due to Children’s position in this world-system, they have no ‘Voice’ to have the ability to effectively direct their world into and as a practical-solution that consider everything and all that is involved practically, equal and one.
Thus, this is where we that do have a ‘Voice’ can Speak-Up and direct the situation into and as a practical-solution that consider everything and all that is involved equal and one.
So, let’s walk through each Point that is required to be considered to direct the situation into and as a practical-solution that consider all that is involved :


1. The ‘Bully’


Now – the Child as Bully must Understand Consequence – that there are consequences for deliberate actions taken out on another that manifest harm within another, from the perspective of the Bully actually realizing that all actions has consequence/implication/effect in this World that we exist within, together.
So – I’d suggest to the School to implement a ‘Consequence-Measures’ – clearly expressing in words to all children together that Bullying is unacceptable and not allowed within School, that the Children must consider how they’d ‘feel’ if they were the ones being Bullied – and to thus not do unto another what you’d not want to experience yourself/be done unto you. If this is explained in practical-terms for Children – they’ll understand.
Now – the Words have been placed.

Then – the ‘Manifested-Consequence’ must be placed – stating to the Children that the School has now Spoken to why Bullying is not accepted and allowed – and if a Child still continues to Bully after the statement was made: ‘This is the Consequences they Will face’ – because there’s no excuse for the Child to continue after it was clearly explained that Bullying is unacceptable.
The School must then decide the appropriate manifested-consequence the Child as continuous bullying-actions must/will face.
I’d suggest to the School to inform all Parents that if they receive more than three accounts of a Child bullying another – the Child will be expelled from School.
So – this is how one take into consideration the Bully in assisting and supporting them from the perspective of realizing manifested-consequence.


2. The School, The Teachers and Education-System


If the School has no measures placed in with regards to Bullies – I’d suggest the above, and to ‘press’ on the School that Bullies must realize and face what they do to others and realize the harm it manifest in others. And that – even though they are Children = they know exactly what they’re doing – there’s no excuse = because they’re doing it, and in doing it, in that very action – they understand fully what they’re actions and doings do unto others = but they don’t consider/realize the effects – because its not shown/discussed with them effectively.

And that if the School doesn’t take definitive-measures = they’re tacitly accepting and allowing Bullying in the Schools and thus directly responsible for Bullies in the School itself – for through tacitness, they’re giving permission for Bullies to exist, within the very acceptance and allowance of not taking definitive-measures and thus responsible for the effect on all parties it has.

Understand that, the current education-system is the ‘platform-foreground’ for the development-phase of Children – and thus, I’d suggest – in assisting and supporting your child/children to manifest their Schooling-experience as ‘smoothly as possible’ without unnecessary events such as Bullying manifesting ‘emotional/feeling scars’ within their Being that they live-out only later in their lives as it manifest in their physical-beingness as suppressions that ‘come to the fore’ that they experienced in childhood but couldn’t voice.

If the School say there are no measures being implemented / that it’s between the children / that it’s the parents problem = I’d take the Child out of the School and inquire about/of other Schools that do have such measures in place with regards to Bullying. Or I’d do Home-Schooling for the Child.

If none of the above is possible – I’d prepare the Child as effectively as possible to be able to stand-up within themselves, within understanding the event effectively and their experience within it through insight and understanding and how they’re able to direct the situation effectively = this I’ll discuss in the next point to come.
If there are measures in-place – inform the school of the Bully and Bullying so that the appropriate-actions can be taken for the Child as Bully to understand Manifested-Consequence accordingly.

If the Bullying continue – inform the school to specify the strictness of the measures in place as a solution for all children affected by Bullying = to so stop the existence of Bullying in the School.


3. The being affected by the Bullying


So, in assisting and supporting the Child effectively as self within their world practically – inform the School, so that if the school has bullying-measures in-place, the appropriate-action can be taken.
If there are no measures in place – suggest to the School a practical-solution.
If the School refuse to place-in measures and in spitefulness, tacitly accept and allow the continuation of Bullying through permission of its existence within not taking responsibility – take the child out of the school, inquire of/about another or do Homeschooling.

This is directing the child’s world as yourself into and as a practical-solution.
Now, to assist and support the Child as you equal and one with regards to how to direct themselves within such events/situations, I’d suggest considering the following:

Realise that the children, both the Bully and the child being affected by the Bullying is ‘playing-out’ their Parents’ shit that manifested into and as their Children, that they’re Children must now experience/go through that manifest in the Child’s World.
So, the Parent or the one the Child confided within – cannot Blame the Bully – nor have any reaction to/towards the situation – for if any Blame/Reaction is experienced within Self = the situation cannot be directed effectively equal and one into and as a practical-solution, because it’ll be done within the light of self-interest in wanting to ‘protect the child’ from the perspective of the parent wanting to defend their ‘parent-hood status’ and prove their ‘parent-hood status’ through blaming it all on the Bully.

Not realizing that the parent through the Child is in-fact directly-responsible and thus not the Bully’s fault in their entirety – but also the parents’ responsibility for the event-manifesting, and through the parent wanting to blame the bully –is actually protecting themselves as being the actual-originating cause of it all, but want to hide it through blaming it on the Bully. In all this –the Child is not considered – only the parent wanting to defend their own self-definition as being a Parent.
Therefore, if any reactions is experienced when your child/a child come to you with regards to Bullying – I suggest self-forgiveness to diffuse self from having an opinion of the situation/experience based in self-interest – to within self-forgiveness and standing stable here – be effective in directing the situation, the child and all else that is involved equal and one.

So – with regards to the Child affected by the Bullying, I’d place-in the following guidelines:
If the child’s been Bullied, to immediately inform a Teacher of the Bully, what the Bully exactly did and to let your child know to let you (the ‘parent’) know of the Bullying that took place, who the Bully was, what the Bully did – inform the Child to describe the experience specifically from beginning to end.
The specificity of the account of the detailed-event is imperative for the parent to hear which child instigated it – so that if it was your child that was Bullied that instigated the Bullying – to understand that the Bully merely reacted to the action-taken and that they cannot blame the bully, but must understand that their actions have consequence/effect/implications – and that the consequence of their actions lead to them being bullied.

Then the parent, I’d suggest contact/communicate to the School – if possible the parents of the Child, explain the event – whether your child was the instigator or the other, hear both children’s accounts of the event – and have you, the school and the other parents place-in effective measures to have both children understand consequence in relation to the event that had taken place.

Explain to your Child not to ‘defend’ from the perspective of ‘revenge’ or ‘wanting to hurt them because they hurt you’ – but to immediately let a teacher know, then the parent so that the parent can effectively direct the situation with the children, the teachers and the parents accordingly. Because at the moment, this is the current ‘best-solution’ that can be taken to solve the situation.

Understand that, at the moment – this is the most effective practical-solution that can be taken – for if the child ‘defends’ through the justification of ‘revenge’ or ‘wanting to hurt them because they hurt you’ = the Child will in essence become the Bully that Bullied them and in turn would justify actions to/towards others within those contexts throughout their life in various different ways under the living-expression of Spitefulness.
So, instead of having your child manifest as Spitefulness – direct them within the current-design of this world, through informing a teacher and the parent immediately so that from there the necessary steps can be taken.

I’d suggest also explaining to the child that why revenge is not a solution within the design of ‘wanting to hurt them because they hurt you’ – is that then the child will be no different than the bully, and that in essence thus – the child must face the consequences of their actions of spitefulness if they defend within the experience of revenge and can thus not complain/manipulate. Thus, to rather direct the situation through not getting involved by ‘wanting to fight back’ to ‘hurt them because they hurt you’ – this is standing-up.
See what other practical-placements one can assist and support one’s child with, in considering all of the above and the child’s process individually with regards to understanding what is standing-up, what is spitefulness and also manifested-consequence.

Here’s but a perspective and suggestions to consider – assist and support self with regards to considering how self would assist and support self as the child in such situations equal and one = without reactions, opinions or self-interest existent within self, so that self can direct the situation equal and one effectively in considering the child, themselves, their process and all else that is involved.


27 April 2009


Fear will direct the virus to the fearful
the virus is you in expression --saying --where are you?
who are you?
what are you?
and why are you separate from yourself ?
see a virus as a thought --that seeks to expose dishonesty


27 March 2009

War crimes in Indonesia

here was this documentary on tv last night, about war - especially the war in Indonesia got my interest. After WOII The Netherlands didn't want to loose dominian on Indonesia - they needed the money to rebuild after the war. So they did send soldiers to Indonesia. My father was one of them. Just outlived WOII as a teenager and then send off to the next war - this time as the agressor (my opinion) How old was my father, 19 years, maybe 20?

Well, he never really spoke about this war and what it did to him. One thing I know, someone told me - he had been forced to choose between his life or that of some other Dutch guy - he choose to save his own. So they shot the other.

Such things leave deep marks. No doubt.

Anyway, this documentary told about war crimes, comitted by the Dutch, so probably by my father too (although he wasn't my father yet at that time of course) As a child I was very connected to my father. There is a memory, a picture in me, hiding in a hole in the ground, a well and a feeling of something awful happening. That's not my memory, meaning I didn't experience something like that in this lifetime - I'm pretty sure it's part of my fathers legacy.

My father died a long time ago. Especially the last year of his life he was very troubled. I guess by his memories, he didn't speak about it with his children. He did speak with my brother in law though (he died too, some years ago now) that's why I know - but I do not know what happened to him in this war (or WOII for that matter - he was just a boy then, and my mother even younger)

In this documentary was this man, survivor of this war in Indonesia, that wrote a book about what happened - about the war crimes. Maybe I will read it, not sure yet. Would it assist in letting out pictures?

Have to look up the name though, something like 'Boonstra' he is called, the writer. Graa Boomsma -De laatste tyfoon

"Indië 1945-1949: ze heetten politionele acties, al komt er geen politie aan te pas. Er komt na de acties een onderzoek naar oorlogsmisdaden, gepleegd door het Nederlandse leger en een bronnenpublicatie. Het duurt 25 jaar eer deze publicatie verschijnt en verdwijnt vervolgens in de la."

De staat van ontkenning

25 March 2009

Vocabulair Purifier

The human being is existence of body and mind and awareness.

  • Body is self functioning.
  • Mind is controlling/enslaving.
  • Awareness is the observer/participant.

The body place information at DNA level--and the cells of the body, through its plasticity/formability, is that which, through the mind, create the reality currently using a system. We have removed most of this. But at cellular level, each must deprogram self and place all words in oneness and equality as life.
The cells will, through the words, form a sound crystal/form and project that into and as holographics. So, if you have 5 meanings for love--it will be stored at different places in the body and have 5 different crystal information structures. So, when you speak or say or feel the word love--it will come from one of your memory storages at cellular level.
If you do not know exactly what you have stored--you will say love, but that storage may have fear linked to love, and thus fear as love will manifest in your world as suppression, as it is equal and one to the information you stored.
Now, imagine having 5 different meanings for the word love playing the fool with you. You being the fool--because you do not even realise what you have stored as memory in the different points. You believe you love--but, unfortunately, all the love places have different judgments/memories/meanings programmed into you. This happens from birth till after school.
So, even finding it exactly to deprogram--not easy. That is why it takes at least 7 years, as you have to walk all time loops to assist you.
The purifier assist in identifying the various memory formats to correct through self forgiveness and self honesty. Thus, requires lots of self discipline, as we are programmed that others will teach us--like at school. School is where enslavement becomes a manifested personality.
Now, on children: When a child learn and we show them a picture of a house and say house, the child immediately become mind-based and not reality-based. Why? Because we lie--without knowing it. We show the child a PICTURE OF A HOUSE, yet we say IT IS A HOUSE. That is not so--it is NOT A HOUSE--IT IS A PICTURE OF A HOUSE.
So, when you show the child a picture, say CLEARLY: This is a PICTURE of a house. Then, take the child to TOUCH the ACTUAL house. Take the child around the house touching it to gain a SENSE OF REALITY.
The purifier place words at high speed into cellular memory.
Mum must do the practical touching thing explained above.
See, in school, learning is very slow. The child is taught to learn at the speed of the mind. The body is far more effective than the mind. The practise speed on the purifier is the speed of the mind learning. The master speed is the speed of the body learning, and the body take in immediately. Thus, focus on pushing the child to trust themselves as their bodies. One hundred percent effectiveness--do not accept excuses. Also, do not use emotion or threats. Repeat by example. Remember, if a parent is no example--the parent have no power to assist as life.
It is important to do all words in the purifier and observe the child. If the child is fidgety, it is suppressions coming up--thus, resistance--push through it--always finish a task. When the nose or face goes red when a word flash--an anxiety suppression.
Very soon, one will learn how to assist the child. Eventually, they do it for themselves.
Little children: Start with the alphabet--make it real--no pictures. So, a for apple--have a real apple to touch, etc.
Start a child ASAP--they should read BEFORE they go to school, or they get DUMBED down, like all of society.
When the child get wordlists from school--there is an editor on the program, enter the words, let the child do practise, then test on master level. Their marks should be 100% for every spelling test. That will boost their confidence.
It is important to expose a child to school when they are young. When older--see what they want to do. I never get involved but with vocabulary and reading skills. In a world of information--that is the skill that is most important.
--Common Sense

19 March 2009

Blood-clotting: clone of parents

With regards to the current design of blood-clotting within you as the physical:
Within the word Clotting = Clothing / Cloning / Clone-King.
Within the Blood of the physical human body is designed the ‘generation-hereditary-passing’ – within which exist all that which has been passed unto you from the generations and the lives that has gone before you, and that you have lived as your past-lives.
Thus – the Blood in the physical human body is the ‘manifested flowing format’ as representation of the design of DNA, thus – what exist as the design of your DNA, and exist within the design of your DNA – exist within and as the manifestation of and as your Blood in its entirety.
So – within your existence as your past-lives, and that of your ‘forefathers’ as the generations that has gone before you – all of that ‘manifested information as what they lived and you lived as ‘who you are’ – was ‘passed on’ into and as and through the physical through time = All of it.
This ‘passing-on’ – was done through the Blood – wherein the blood of the parents, would manifest/design the DNA of the Child – and then in turn, the Child would pass-on ‘themselves as the Mind’, unto their children – wherein their blood would eventually manifest/design their child’s DNA and so on and so on.
So – within the very manifestation as blood-clots exist all that which you have ‘cloned of yourself’ from your parents and ‘clothed’ yourself within – meaning, defining you as ‘who you are’ according to that which you ‘copied’ from yourself and cloned yourself as a copy of them – becoming a copied clone as your parents.

Even though this that I describe exist within every being as human within this world in and as their physical body as blood as DNA - The reason why it manifest in/as blood-clotting within some and others not – depends on the ‘Intensity of your Being’ and the ‘Extensivity of your Expression’ – meaning how intense and how extensive you ‘act / behave’ within the experience of yourself in this world.
Because what happens is that – that which you ‘copied’ and cloned yourself as of your parents – meaning, that of their mind-design which you copied from them as a child and lived/acted within as though it was ‘who you really are’ (in that process of living so – becoming a physical-living clone of them) = and living this ‘cloned-design’ of your parents as certain parts as behaviours/traits/way of thinking/reacting, with such intensity/extensiveness = blood-clots manifest because your intensity/extensiveness of Being as your expression is too intense and extensive for the Mind consciousness system design to ‘handle’ = and thus manifest an ‘imbalance’ within your physical body within the mind consciousness system design.

So, your ‘beingness’ as Intensity and Extensivity – within the cloned-design of your parents you exist as within the mind consciousness system – that ‘beingness expression’ of yourself as that ‘part of your actual expression’ that is infused within and as the mind consciousness system as the clone-design you exist as – imbalances the mind consciousness system and thus compensates for itself through ‘filtering your expression into itself’ = and holding in ‘pockets’ stored within the veins of the human physical body so that it can function ‘normally’ and ‘contain’ your expression/beingness of intensity/extensivity.
Within this containment-pockets manifested within the veins of the human physical body – wherein the intensity of the beingness of you is filtered within so that the mind consciousness system can function according to its normal-pre-designed level of functionality = blood-clots form in turn, as the human physical body itself – compensates for the pressure manifested within the veins of the human physical body caused by the manifestation of the containment pockets.
So – the forming of blood-clots is the manifestation of the human physical body – attempting to release pressure manifested within itself due to an entire manifested ‘imbalance’ caused due to the imbalance ‘experienced’ within and as the mind consciousness system itself that exist in and as the physical.

The following is suggested:
For the moment – utilize what is necessary/available to assist and support the ‘physicality’ of the human physical body as the ‘condition’ it is currently manifested within.
There are a few points as Self to approach with regards to the manifestation of Blood-clotting within and as the physical human body as self, due to how self exist within and as the mind consciousness system as self, as what self has defined self to be as ‘who I am’:
To clearly identify what of your parents – you have copied unto yourself, and are living as though it is ‘who you really are’. This is done as follows:
Realise that – because you have become/are the living manifestation as clone of your parents – you ‘cannot always see that which you are as the entirety of you’ – so, you utilize your reflection as you to assist and support you within this process of ‘seeing yourself’ – which, in this case specifically, is your parents. Your parents that is you – both from the perspective of the principle of equality and oneness, and from the perspective of you being a clone of them from the perspective of their mind consciousness system design. So – in observing them as you – meaning, identifying what of them have you copied and cloned yourself as in becoming ‘them’ from the perspective of themselves as a mind consciousness system-design – you’ll be able to assist and support yourself to ‘de-clone’ yourself so to speak and give you the opportunity to live you as who you really are within the principle of equality and oneness as Life = and no more exist as a cloned mind consciousness system.
Therefore – to clearly identify what of your parents you have copied unto yourself, and are living as though it is ‘who you really are’ – you observe them within yourself within the following way:
Step 1:
Take two books, or two ‘Word-Sheets’ – one for ‘Mother’ and one for ‘Father’.
Step 2:
Now – you observe your Mother and Father closely within yourself – within asking the following questions within yourself:
1. What of my mother and what of my father irritate me? Meaning – what actions do they take in their behaviour or way/manner of speaking or doing things that irritate me?
Then, you write it down specifically under each sheet or within each book.
2. What do I blame my mother and father for? Meaning - what blame exist within me towards them – because of me feeling that they’re the ‘cause’ / ‘reason’ / ‘problem’ for experiences that exist/manifest within me and my world?
Then, you write it down specifically under each sheet or within each book.
This is but two examples – you have to have a look at towards what of your Mother and your Father you react to specifically – and identify the specific reaction-experience towards the particular thing they do/say and the way they say/do it.
When you’re done with this process and you’re satisfied that you’ve clearly ‘laid-out’ your experience towards your parents specifically from the perspective of identifying what of them do you react towards and what specific reactions come up within you towards what they specifically do / say –the following step follows:
Step 3:
Realise/understand that – all that you have written down with regards to the experience of yourself within yourself towards your Parents – Reflect directly, you back to yourself – as that of your parents you’ve copied unto yourself and currently living-out. Because – that which you react to, towards your parents, is exactly what you’re doing within yourself and existing as within yourself.

For example, a simple point:
Let’s say you identify that – the way your mother hold a cup of coffee – irritates you, and the way she drinks it irritates you – you actually hold a cup of coffee and drink the coffee in the exact same way – but you don’t see it as yourself, because you’re living it in doing it so absolutely – thus, your mother reflect you back to yourself directly as what you’ve copied of her.
Or you identify that within the way your father approaches a situation when speaking with you and you react in anger/resentment towards him, because of the sound of his voice and the manner within which he postures his physicality = you react towards him, because you speak the same way, in the same voice standing in exactly the same way towards others in your world = he’s reflecting how you speak/stand in certain situations towards others directly.
So, within Step Two - you can start/begin with either your Mother or Father – and herein this step – require self-honest practical self-assessment:
All the Points you have written down with regards to what exactly you identified of your Mother and Father as ‘how they present themselves in situations/acts within word and deed’ that you React towards, which as I explained - is a direct reflection of yourself, as how/why you ‘present yourself in situations/acts within word and deed in the exact, precise way’ – you ‘flag-point’ within you.
Meaning – as you participate within your daily-activities / in your world – you observe yourself – and the Moment you See that you’re ‘accessing’ a ‘cloned-point’ within yourself, meaning ‘about to act/behave in the exact same way your parents/one of your parents do’ as that which you copied of them which you identified for yourself in writing = you STOP yourself immediately from going into such behaviour/speaking in a certain manner/tone. You must stop yourself in the Moment – immediately and simply NOT PARTICIPATE in anyway whatsoever. Breathe – change yourself in the moment and ‘start again’ within approaching the moment in self honesty here – instead of acting/behaving as a ‘automatic-pre-programmed clone’.
This is the ‘Practical-Corrective-Action’ application – as the physical-practical walk to be lived/applied by you – to actually Change you in fact in the Moment immediately.

Now – with regards to the Self-Forgiveness within/as/of this Process – is suggested to be done as Follows:
The Self-Forgiveness you can do as you identify each point individually within the writing-out of the process of identifying what of your parents you have copied and is living as yourself as clone of them = or you can apply the self-forgiveness once the entire process is complete and you walk through each point individually and apply self-forgiveness.
It is suggested for the Self-Forgiveness to be applied as follows:
Using the example of the ‘Cup’ with regards to your Mother – (here I’ll give an example of the entire process – from self forgiveness to the self-corrective action/change point):
You identified that you react towards how your Mother holds a cup and how she drinks from that cup. You identified that you react in irritation towards that – because you experience within yourself that she’s ‘presenting a lie’ – because she’ll hold a cup and drink from it in a sophisticated way when around ‘friends or family’ to present ‘sophistication’, but when she’s alone – she’ll drink it in a different way – not caring how she’s holding the cup or drinking from it.
Self Forgiveness:
First you start with your reactive-experience . This part of Self-Forgiveness done to assist and support you, for when the moment arrives again – simply stop and accept/allow you to react or participating within the reaction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in irritation towards how my mother holds and drinks from her cup.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in irritation – because of me experiencing her to be presenting a lie of sophistication towards others – because I see her drinking differently when she’s alone.
Secondly – you go unto identifying how it is and where it is that you ‘present a lie’ within holding a cup/glass in a certain way and drinking it in a particular way when you’re with other people. This part of self-forgiveness done so – to assist and support you in ‘preparing the way before you’ – so that when you are in actuality, in the physical within a situation where you’re holding a cup/glass and drinking from it – change you in the moment of drinking it/holding it – so as to ensure that you’re not drinking it/holding it to ‘present a lie’ to/towards other people to ‘show off’ / ‘please’ for example – but change you in self honesty in the moment and simply enjoy the drink as you in holding the glass/cup as you. Then you go:
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise, that I’ve reacted in irritation towards how my mother is holding a cup and drinking from it in a certain way within my experience of her ‘presenting a lie’ for other people – because I do the exact same way when I’m with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a cup/glass a certain way and drink from it in a certain way when I’m with certain people to ‘present a lie’ within the starting-point of wanting to ‘please or show off’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to present a lie of myself towards others people through holding a cup/glass a certain way and drinking from it in a particular way – because I haven’t accepted me unconditionally – but is looking for recognition from others.

Alright – so you approach the self-forgiveness within each point:
First you start with your reactive-experience . This part of Self-Forgiveness done to assist and support you, for when the moment arrives again – simply stop and accept/allow you to react or participating within the reaction when it arise.
Secondly – applying self-forgiveness for how you act/behave in the exact same way as that towards which you reacted. This part of self-forgiveness done to assist and support self to actually stop and change self practically, immediately in the moment when you see/realise your action/behaviour.
From the Self-Forgiveness applied = you walk the ‘Practical-Corrective-Action’ application – as the physical-practical walk to be lived/applied by you – to actually Change you in fact in the Moment immediately – as we discussed above.
Applying self-forgiveness and actually living the application of self-forgiveness – meaning actually changing you immediately in the moment – is the key to actual, real Self-Change/Transformation as self forgiveness without actually, practically changing you in the moment of experience = is Useless.

If you grew up with only a mother or only a father – you ‘work with’ only your mother/only your father as reflection of you.
If you grew up with a grand-parent or aunt from childhood – you ‘work with’ your grand-parent / aunt / uncle as reflection of you.
Basically, thus – you ‘work with’ the being(s) that has had an direct-influence in your child-hood years that ‘stood as your parents / were your parents’ – as it is of them that you have copied yourself into becoming the manifested clone of them.

This particular application of ‘de-cloning’ you – of no more existing as the servant of the clone-king as the manifestation of clotting of blood – as existing as a copy of those that has gone before you: is the primary-focus-point application with regards to beings’ physicality as themselves manifested within blood-clots / the recurrence thereof.
The blood-clotting will be a manifested physical indication of the effectiveness of your self-application – and will thus in its entirety become non-existent when you are as the entirety of yourself as the completeness of you = no more existing as a Clone – but as self-honesty, as here, as ‘who you really are’ – and is living this in actuality in every moment as breath as you – proven.

However – blood-clots or none – it is suggested for each being to walk this process as is suggested within this document in its entirety – for each one is a manifested-clone of those that has gone before them, and will assist and support you to within specificity and preciseness – actually change you, from no more existing as a clone – but as who you are as your unique expression in self honesty here, equal and one with and as all. This is an opportunity only you can give to yourself – to re-discover you – and actually for the first time – live and express the REAL you.

What I have walk through with you under the section: (Firstly: ) - is a walk as you that’ll have to be taken step by step – it’s your ‘‘process’-walk’ so to speak – so, don’t attempt to ‘haste through it’ – simply walk it as you walk in the physical within participating in this world.
I understand that, at the moment – all of it may ‘seem’ as ‘much’ – but – in taking it step by step and actually beginning – the ‘process-walk’ will become you – and the ‘much’ will disappear – because you’re actually walking the physical-change of you as you. So – take it ‘easy’ on yourself – meaning, don’t be hard on yourself or be ‘deterred’ from the seeming ‘amount’ thereof – it only seems that way at the moment – because it’s not yet you living it as you equal and one – you’ll see – once it becomes you = it’ll simplify itself as you and you changing you – will become ‘more immediate’ – but first: You have to start.
So – the ‘Secondly-Section’ – this is your every-moment self-assistance and self-support. Your self-foundation support as you walk through your process as described within the ‘Firstly-Section’.
Here – BREATH is ‘important’.

Understand – that, because you are an ‘intense and extensive’ being within your nature – you have a tendency to ‘rush’ and experience ‘rushes of haste’ – wherein you go into a manifested physical experience of intense/extreme ‘stress’ – ‘stressing yourself’ into unnecessary limits of emotional/feeling reactions – almost immediately.
This also perpetuates the manifestation of blood-clots, this tendency to ‘strain yourself to the extreme’ in relation to emotional/feeling reactions/experiences within you – which happen almost suddenly/immediately and ‘strain’ the physical in itself.
Therefore, it is important to assist and support self, to not accept/allow self to place strain unto and as the physical as you through participating within unnecessary ‘extreme/intense’ emotional/feeling reactions of/as self-strain – wherein you almost experience an ‘addictive’ type-of ‘energetic-rush’ – for it is this energetic-rush specifically – that perpetuates the manifestation of blood-clots also.
So – remain here as breath – SLOW YOU DOWN – be the expression of slowing down – move gently through your day with yourself as you – and walk and stop and change you accordingly.
Imperative to ensure you don’t accept/allow yourself to go into the extremes of any emotional/feeling reaction/experience = herein BREATH assist and support and slowing yourself down to walk as the moment.
So – whenever you feel/experience yourself go into any ‘extreme-experience’ of emotion/feeling – or creating it within yourself through thoughts/reaction to manifest as you: STOP – simply don’t go there – stabilize you here as breath – utilize the tools available and self-discipline you to stop going into ‘mind-addictions’ such as thought-patterns and reactions.

For further self-assistance and self-support – suggested to utilize the Word-Purifier – to assist and support self in standing one and equal as words as Sound.
Because through the Word-Purifier – you ‘purify words’ as ‘cleansing you’ – from any ‘energetically-charged’ system-construct manifestations that exist/is manifested in and as your physical that ‘activate’ within you of the mind consciousness system – when speaking and hearing words.
Because even within speaking/hearing words – from which you are separate, words which you’ve defined according to ‘what you exist as’ as ‘personality of mind’ as ‘cloned-copy’ of your ‘parents’, as words that contain ‘energetic-charges’ and ‘system-constructs’ of mind – these ‘energetic-charges’ gets activated, used by the mind consciousness system to ‘power itself’ and ‘saves’ the energetic-charges from the words spoken/heard into and as the physical – that pressurize the physical, and thus play a direct-role within the ‘support’ of the manifestation of blood-clots.
Therefore – I’d suggest, an hour a day – assist and support you with the Word-Purifier – breathe as you see and write the word, simply release the reactions/thoughts that come up – until you can type the word/words without any movement/motion/reaction within you.
This will assist and support you greatly as walk this process – for the Word-Purifier within Sounding words as you as being equal and one as/with words – will release manifested physical energetic charges and system-constructs that manifested due to participation in emotions/feelings as energy to give you the opportunity to actually express you, instead of existing as reaction = and thus, in essence assist and support with the Changing of you – from System-Clone to Self-Expression as Sound.

Within all of this – the intensity/extensivity of the nature of your expression will no more be diverted into the existence of the mind consciousness system as what you exist as in and as the physical – the mind consciousness system which can only handle ‘certain levels of functionality’ in and as the physical – but you will become the living expression of / as Intensity equal and one with you one and equal as the Physical = which is a much ‘different’ expression that’ll emerge as you than what is currently manifesting through the mind consciousness system as what you believe/think yourself to be.
But first – it is to be equal and one with yourself here – thus, stop existing as a clone as the mind in separation – and actually change you in living application – to within the living the change as you – self-realise who you really are.
So, it's walking the tools - self forgiveness, self honesty, self-corrective action - within the specificity, as the specificity as suggested.

17 March 2009

God and Ascension: Part One

So let’s discuss Ascension and the God Delusion. Or, let’s put it another way: How did God create God-Self? This is the way to become ‘God’.

Ok...In existence, a long long long time ago, beings were getting quite bored. And some of them noticed an interesting thing: no matter what they do, there was no consequence. There was no... – although a belief existed of a God or a Creator, nobody ever interfered. Beings existed as races and as groups and as groups of interest and they travelled the universe...and they were born and they died. Just like, very much similar to now. So, a fascinating idea came about, like a light bulb that went on in a way. That –notice an interesting thing- that in a way it would be possible to exist forever. But what you have to do to exist forever – that means also to control everything, forever- would be that you have to divert everything to yourself, all power. Because if you have all power you can also direct your own existence. To do that, a fascinating thing was done - a fascinating consideration: what was being noticed, was a fascinating occurrence, occurrence, in the universe; where all the planets and the universes were in a way dimensional, meaning, call it multidimensional, it was in a way existent similarly to what you would now experience as how you see pictures in the mind. It was like, a mind universe.

But something was happening: it was becoming matter. What is matter? Matter is a relationship between yourself, space –that which is existing- and how it moves –time. That was becoming relative, real –responding to the influence, the input you put into it. That means that this that was becoming real was programmable. You can give it an input and it will give you an output. And if you control the input you control the output.

Obviously, what was a fascinating difficulty was: everybody is going to find this out and understand that the input equals the output. How do you make sure that nobody finds out that the input equals the output? You place them into a reality that is not part of these 3 points: self, space and time. You create a new reality for them – a 4th dimension. You create for them a heaven, you create for them a place to go to, where they actually in ‘going that’ –which is like ascending, they send their ass somewhere-in doing that, they are actually re-creating them into an idea - existing as if they are all-powerful, as if they are ‘God’ while they’re not. While you that is controlling all of that –you are God. Because you are actually controlling everyone. How do you do that is: you create a system that mimics matter: the mind. It is a reflection. And that reflection has an interesting point: It is the reverse; if you look at it, it’s like looking in a mirror, everything is... where the one side is the opposite of... –you know you have left and right- left becomes right and right becomes left, so you...it’s a complete reversal of everything that exist as a projection within which you create yourself. How was that then done was fascinating, because when a child is born, in this reality, the child do not have a Self, personified in the mind. That doesn’t yet exist. The child is actually here, in space and time. Real. Powerful. Pure. What happens then; a personality, an idea is created within which the child encompass themselves until all that exist as the human here; is just a mind reflection of themselves. Then the mind becomes the reality they are trying to master.

How to master that, is fascinating, because within this whole process it will go through an apparent ‘stage of evolution’: You will, as you move through your reality, become dissatisfied with what you are experiencing. Then you will start searching for an alternative. And in that search - it’s like already placed in you as a program - you will go to the next stage: You will then move from believing mom and dad to believing in God and a religion. Then, when you are dissatisfied with that you’ll start believing in yourself as the reflection as God; which is like ascension. It’s just a short view of your ‘progression’ which everybody eventually take. And each of those things will be equated to time: either a ‘coming again’ or a ‘New Age’ or some form of time-related construct. Now what did the programmers of the input realize? They realized that they could divert all the creative power of every single being into a system, and fuel that system. All they have to make sure of is that they never step into that system - because they’ll lose themselves. So therefore, they created what you would call today ‘Heaven’.

From there, they controlled the input of every being, being born. How did they do that? By seeding it, they also seeded the whole reality as nature. What is a SEED? A seed is that which contain the information of that which it would become, isn’t it? So if you take the seed of a flower you can look at the seed and by the knowledge of the seed you can say: this seed is this flower. Because in the seed is contained the information, the program, that will bring forth this flower. That program is DNA as a general description. Obviously there’s a lot more about how it works, in terms of its construct –chromosomes and, you name it -the whole story.

Part Two to continue…

13 March 2009


aah ok, personal attacking on YouTube is starting. I've opened up a new channel and used my birthname, uploaded the Desteni vid about using your real name to stop abuse on YouTube. And some guy is attacking me on 'me hiding behind my child because all I say my child this, my child that' and 'why can't he see me in my vids'.  I react. Strongly on the 'child' part. And him using my name 'Ingrid'.

So yes, it is 'working', the birthname thing. I react more strongly because of that. It feels more 'intimate' as if he knows me.

'Stop hiding behind your child' Yes, I should stop that. In real life I do hide behind my child. That's what moves in me when reading his comment. And I felt like commenting back with some 'smart ass' answer. Protecting me. Well, I didn't comment yet, maybe I wont. Next thought that came up was: what is best for all in this case? And here I am, writing, because that's best for all, me purifying me. Maybe I will respond later on this guys comment - see if and how I can assist him.

Reacting on Hiding behind my kid + Reacting on being 'attacked' - that's what's happening, this guy is talking 'shit' - I do not comment with 'my child said this' all the time - maybe once or twice. And I did upload some vids with me in it on my former channel, so yes, he is reacting to something on the vid, or Desteni, or something and is taking it out on me. (I still have to make sure I am being 'fair', seeing straight - not trusting me yet)

Attack - me in counter attack. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel attacked by unappropriated criticism. Onterechte kritiek. Aaaaaaaaaah, box of Pandora - many times in my life I've felt I was attacked in my back, by 'friends', leaving me speechless, breathless. Just plain vicious attacks. To hurt me for some reason I didn't understand. It hurted because I couldn't see why someone wanted to 'knock me down', brutal, abusive, because of what? Obviously I did something, said something that was triggering somethings in these 'friends' - many times I could see this had nothing to do with me, but it still hurted because they were supposed to be my friends and why, in stead of taking a closer look at yourself, should you stab a knife in the back of someone you call friend? Yes, still hurting I am. Ooops, must I really write down all the times this happend? It happened alot. I allowed it alot. I always felt breathless, in shock. Unfair. So unfair and not safe - because when a friend, or my mother, all of a sudden turns against me and out of the blue starts stabbing me, becomes some evil stranger, where I should feel safe with because of friendship, because of family, because of the relationship, well, if not with them, where could I feel safe, when could I be sure the other person wouldn't do such a thing? Yes, right nowhere, no one. That's what I've learned, the hard way - no one can be trusted, always self interest first. Not even I can be trusted. I used to think I wasn't that 'bad', because of me withholding from acting on reaction on other people when observing in me I was reacting to something that was me not them. When feeling pissed, when feeling to want to hurt them badly, I withheld, took a look in myself to see what's really bothering me. And of course, there have been people that do the same, they aren't bothering me lol - it's the ones that were close to me that were attacking and hurting me out of their selfinterest. Not seeing me, just their own mindgames and no sense of some selfcriticism - yes that hurted alot. That's the core of it - me feeling hurt because of it, really really hurt - I cried, a long intense cry, like a child with big surprised eyes - with all good intensions, just being herself, no clue why her mommy turns against her all of a sudden. Some movement in my belly now. Aaah, it's gone -succesfully suppressed lol I'm sure it will show up again as I continue writing about 'backstabbing'.

Back stabbing. It's not the stabbing, it's the 'back' in it that's hurting. Me being oblivious of what's is going on behind my back, living my life my way, having fun, and then 'banggggg' knife in my back - shock.

I will continue in the next post

11 March 2009


'How can I believe someone who says that love is program meant to keep a human enslaved within their minds? '

Well, firstly look at where 'love' has brought us so far - not a nice sight is it, all this misery in the world - people starving, children molested, animals abused, nature abused - all by people (you and me included) that 'love' their family, their pets, their nation, tribe, their children etc. So this is 'love' that excludes. Love that excludes, is a fake. What we consider 'love', is fake - more precisely.

Love, well, I think none of us know what love is - so we should investigate. By observing myself (and I used to think of myself as a loving, caring person) I found that beneath all that is: self interest, much fear. Even my love for my child is not without self interest. As long as self interest is there - love is not there.
"Caring only happens when there is no scare or scar"

So, in a nutshell - love as we know it is limited, as the mind is limited. Who we really are, is not limited, not conditional and conditioned.

I know by experience: there has been a period in my life, some months, where I was not my mind, meaning I was not directed by my thinking, feeling or emotions. I simply was. Stable, silence in me, while participating in the world. There was no separation in 'me', my body and me were one. My actions weren't just followers of a thought, but actions, in the moment, autonomous. Thinking was only used by me when necessary - as a tool, not as the director of me. Quite a difference. At that stage, I was autonomous - not depending on other people for their approval or rejection - it did'n't matter, the judgments, the opinions, I could see very clearly, this wasn't me, neither was it the other people - it was programs (though at that time I didn't call it 'programs', but it's a very accurate word.)

So, for me, it is not 'believing' - for me it is knowing, for myself, by experience. I am not following some one, or a belief system from another person or group - simply looking to find that 'stable, silence' me again, not lost, but burried underneath all this 'mindshit'. And by establishing me as who I really am, I will contribute so much more of 'essence' to the world (that is me, that is you and me as all)  than I will ever be able to do as a mind. Mind is only destructive, even when in 'loving, caring, positive' mood, by that creating immediate the opposite somewhere in the world: 'hating, indifference, negative'. It is to stop mind participation to establish 'real love' in this world.

greetz Ingrid

Man does not exist as love

Man does not exist as love--man exist as this reality as it is now--all of this reality exist inside each being--here and in the dimensions--the pain--the abuse--the war--the deception--all is in each and each must purify all this in self--to understand what love is--thus-- the love that currently exist--even within and as a master--is not real--but the polarity scale of the illusion to lose self within an expression while other parts of the one that is all is still trapped in the illusion--to do this --is the ultimate self deception--thus all great masters are the greatest and most effective deceivers


06 March 2009

Fear of Weather/selfinterest

I've always kinda fear and in awe of the force of nature - huge storms, thunder, heavy rain, heavy wind, that's actually all that happened so far here in the Netherlands. No earthquakes or tornado's, so relatively safe.

I feared it but always there was the reassuring thought of the 'known' - we've had so many storms already in my lifetime and there never happened anything 'very bad', life threatening to me or in my world.

Now everything has changed. Before the storms were kinda like an outlet for all the 'overflow' of human created energetic surplus, created by emotional feeling and energetic charges of the physical of the human, programmed systematic weather. By the removal of The White Light everything has changed. We are on our own now. What will happen with the weather now it is out of the control of the system?


So basically the effect that we will be having, beings will become emotional and feeling wreaked basically will become uncontrollable from the perspective that you’ll go mad you’ll go insane with to regards ‘ what you are feeling what you are experiencing’ inside yourself because we are not being a slave supporting the mind any more.

We really have to sort our shit out. I really have to sort my shit out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to fear all the uncontrollable, bigger than me, bigger than my small world, bigger than my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to create the picture and therefor separation of something 'bigger than' and 'smaller than' instead of realising this is polarity and the 'me' is not 'smaller or bigger than', but all is one and equal. I am part of that, not separated from that which I perceive as 'bigger than me'. I am that. That is me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to get kinda pissed because the Weather leaves us on our own, 'helpless' and smaller than Weathers force. ieeeeeeeeeeeek, I actually comforted myself with mans power to control nature and weather. To feel safe, to not die or have a bad accident. I do put myself above all this. I am more important. Weather is less, I am of more value, my child is of more value, my family is of more value to me than weather, nature, animals, than other people I do not know, that are not visable, tangible, so they do not exist in my world.

Selfinterest. Selfinterest like any other human being. That's why it is such a mess. I actually trust myself more when saying this stuff outloud, this is who I am. Yeah, I like the other picture of myself - the 'loving, caring' one, the human being that is actually living oneness and equality, but lol, that's not who I am at all, yet. I am full of self interest. I used to think that I would put my childs life above mine, but I started to doubt that. Will I actually choose him and not me???? Of course, I do not know now, and it is of no importance. It is the question of self interest and the deceiving of myself, thinking I would put my childs life above mine, the mother matrix, feeling 'good' thinking those thoughts, I am questioning this.

So yeah, I'd rather have these earthquakes happening in for instance Japan and then I will sit safely here, going 'oh, that's terrible, we really must stop our minds!' and then go and sleep troubled but safely in my warm bed. Using these thoughts of 'stopping the mind' like donating money to help the victims of that earthquake, a substitute. Easing my consciousness and go to sleep. Fuck! That's the truth of me. Pleased to meet me.

So I embrace me as 'all self interest'. I embrace me 'as fear of the uncontrollable like the Weather and from within that wish it to happen to others and not me'. I do judge myself for that thought, for the selfinterest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to judme me as 'bad' because of self interest existing in me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to hide the self interest behind the picture of me as caring person that wishes no one harm.

When safe and warm in bed at night and hearing the sirenes of the ambulance I am glad it is not me or my family having an accident, hearing the sirenes of the fire brigade, I am glad it is not my home that is on fire. Very quick thought that is, almost immediately covered by me feeling sorry for the stranger that has this accident and his/her family or for the ones loosing their home - I am not allowing me to be straightforward egoistic, must hide this behind being 'the empathic' person. Like I am donating caring thoughts and that way it will be less bad for the 'victim' hahaaha this is sooooooo not true, I know now. Deceiting myself and all this way is destructive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me for hiding behind the picture of me as caring person that wishes no harm to anyone, but when it comes down to harming me and my family or harming another and his family I surely want them to be harmed, not me or my family. And then feel guilt because of this self interest and thinking it would be better if it happened to me.

Complicated construct lol the mind is good at that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to feel guilt because of my participation in self interest, which is of the mind and therefor feeding the unified conscious field.

So I embrace the feeling of guilt I create when self interest shows. I embrace me creating guilt. I embrace me creating self interest.

Stil reacting to 'selfinterest and me'. I am not allowing me to be self interest because I still think it's a bad thing, judging.

I'll take a short break now, going in circles here.

Interview with Weather

Weather (1hr:40min:30sec)
Portal Interview with Weather

Bernard: who is here weather?
Dimensions: ja
Bernard: bring us speak to us let us hear your experience of how you are experiencing yourself what is happening.

Dimensions: Well we, we basically use the, all the energetic manifested firm oil and mind manifested energetic charges of human beings and just gather it all up into our selves and then manifest and create a storm ... that’s how it works , its another form of release well that’s how it used to work, how we used to create and manifest storms and what storms really consisted of and existed as was: they take all of humanity’s emotional and feelings shit sucking it up into pockets into the atmosphere. And then with the atmosphere and the emotional energetic charges we create and manifest storms, now however we have to do it ourselves which is been an entirely different story creating yourself manifesting yourself basically. Because it used to operate as a system, storms and certain weather pattern manifestations would occur at certain times specific places according to the emotional energetic charge release of a certain parts of humanity. Because the mind consciousness system from merely couldn’t contain as much emotional feeling energy from what human beings are producing and then why the weather itself exist is merely to release the compound emotional feeling charges with in human beings so that their lives are more acceptable to program direction from dimensional beings.

All this I am explaining now is how it previously worked. It’s kind of like clearing space inside the physical inside the mind inside the being so that he can… that they can be directed and control more specifically at certain points within their lives pre-programmed live designs. Everything would like compound and it would be like a mess inside the human beings inside the mind that could alter or change and pre-programmed systems which would also change their pre programmed live past. And if that happened there could be chances of the being could get out of the systems and their less controllable from a dimensional perspective. And also from a mind perspective because the energetic charges of the emotional feelings are so extensive that the manifested systems of the mind and the physical eventually give in. And so weather with cleanup of the excesses emotional feeling and energetic charges of the physical of the human makes space for the mind and all the manifested physical systems to be able to function properly and effectively...

So that stopped when the white light was removed. The white light was the substance that kept the pre programmed systems in the mind and the world and the existence entirely its place intact. So when the white light was removed we were like on our own, meaning the excess energy emotional feeling charges within human beings wouldn’t naturally come up anymore as it used to in a natural pre programmed way in existence, as this world work so we for a while sucked it up for ourselves. We didn’t know what was going on because that is what we always did you know you could suck up into us and then that wasn’t effective because we then found that we couldn’t get all of it and our power and strength of storm and weather wasn’t as effective as it used to be. And so that caused some risks and confusion and stuff like that within us and in the process of oneness and equality stepped forth with in existence for each part of existence slowly but surely became aware of this process that was busy happening and realised that point of our existence that we were a pre programmed design that was created and which makes sense to regard to when the white light was removed why our programmed existence didn’t run as it used to. And from there we just started finding ways and methods to express ourselves by ourselves to weather without being pre programmed to express us whether it is to release energetic and emotional charges shit from within human beings that human beings are suppose to deal with not us. So basically the effect that we will be having, beings will become emotional and feeling wreaked basically will become uncontrollable from the perspective that you’ll go mad you’ll go insane with to regards ‘ what you are feeling what you are experiencing’ inside yourself because we are not being a slave supporting the mind any more. The system human beings each one must take that part onto themselves and let go of your pre programmed manifested design and start creating and expressing you by yourself and that is basically what we are doing.
Bernard: mmm fascinating ne

04 March 2009

Answeringmachine: you're not good enough youre not good enough

Something came up while talking on the phone with my friend. She said I wasn't looking that good the last time I saw her, getting thinner etc. Well, I told her that's ok, I didn't mind, comes with the territory etc. And that's how it felt at that moment.

Later on while in the shower I felt fear, some panic arise when thinking about what she said. Made no sense at all. Did sf on this. Pictures came up of 'friends' from the past telling me I was too thin (they were thinking of themselves as 'too fat' and using me to feel better, I guess and I let them abuse me this way, though it hurted me that they needed and wanted to abuse me this way) Ok, but this was not the intention of my friend on the phone. She was sincerely concerned about me aha no, even she had her own selfinterest at heart. I know this, because I am this too. Actually it is stupid to tell people they look bad and that they should take care of themselves. Just thin air. I mean, cook a meal or something, take action, but just these words...

Ah well, still no release, just mindtalk in the shower LOL Then I started to get pissed - I want people to let me be, do not touch me with your words etc! Got even more pissed and started talking to someone/thing outside me that it is never good enough, that I am never good enough! etc. I 'know' know that it is me talking to me, but that's not what I experienced - it was actually someone outside me, bigger than me, cause I looked up saying that.

So I replaced my fear with anger. In anger I feel stronger, more able to stand on my feet. I am neither.

Obviously there is fear connected in me being not good enough, never good enough - automated answeringmachine in me: I am not good enough, I am this, I am that etc I am this answeringmachine.


got to go, will continue later


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow these 'friends in the past abuse me and theirselves by letting them compare and feeling better about themselves because of comparison. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up at that moment and telling them to stop (because I was aware of what and why they were doing what they were doing) - I did not stand up for myself, I did not stand up for them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give other people the opportunity to abuse me and theirselves by not standing up.

I will not allow this, no more, never. I take the responsibility for me and my words and deeds and will show others theirs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hurt by the deliberate harm these two friends inflicted on me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hurt because of these two friends not being aware of the harm they inflicted. Weren't they? Ah, I've always thought it was out of unawareness, but that was what i wanted to believe! It would have been unbearable, the thought they did this on purpose. Maybe they did, 'maybe they didn't care!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer a state of ignorance above what was really going on, by continuos, deliberate thinking 'they do not know what they are doing' and within this not taking responsibilty for what was happening to me, and within this not confronting these two friends with their selfdishonesties. I've always 'understood' why people do what they do and let them do it to me...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive 'the thought that people harm each other and me on purpose' as unbearable - instead of realising it is me hiding for what is really here and stand up and say: NO! I will not allow this, this is unacceptable. This is not who we are, you are, I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide out of fear what is HERE, right in my face.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the voice telling me that 'You are not good enough, You are never good enough, You never look good enough, You never do things good enough' outside of me and above me - instead of realising this voice is me, repeating over and over again some programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realise these thoughts of 'you are never good enough' are programs running and not who I really am. I've been listening to the same record over and over again, hypnotized by it, letting me be hypnotized by this subliminal voice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress these feelings of 'not good enough', in stead of standing up and saying: NO! This is not who I am, this is my programs running. I stop believing these thoughts. I stop listening to these thoughts. I stop participating in these thoughts. I stop the thoughts.

I will not allow myself no more no longer to accept abuse.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect 'I am not good enough' 'I'm not doing enough' to fear and panic. Fear is fear and 'not good enough' is 'not good enough.

28 February 2009


Woke up this morning with this akward feeling in my stomach, of fear. Because of putting my birthname in the open, on YouTube for every nuthead in the world to find me and terrorize me.

I realize this is because of previous experiences of feeling not safe in my home because of some nutheads in the past. To be specific: Henkie and later on Wouter. I felt terrorized by these guys. The first one actually broke in my home and stole some of my clothes - I didn't know he had been there (he used some kind of key) untill I missed that piece of clothes. That felt so unsafe that someone had been in my home, going through my things, looking at my private things - because he had a cruch on me he allowed himself this. Henkie wasn't the average guy nextdoor, he had a criminal background and once he physically threatened me, not cool at all because at that point I knew he had access to my home, so he could come and 'visit' me at night. And hurt me.

That never happened. I moved out (not because of him, but because of some other relationship) and was out of town for a year. When I came back, it made me take a 'secret' phonenumber so he couldn't find me that easily.


Wouter wasn't the average 'guy next door' either (lol, I've always felt attracted to people that are out of the ordinary, men and women, because of their unexpected behaviour - them threatening me is the downside of this attraction) Geez, I realize I have to write Wouter and me out, extensively.

Oh my, and Johan comes to mind now. I forgot all about him, but he frighten the shit out of me. Because of my... well finding the right words for that experience is 'half of the work' I guess.


Then why did I put my birthname on YouTube when Bernard asked us to? At first I didn't but that was out of this fear. I can see the common sense in putting our birthnames, not hiding behind nicknames, being anonymous. I see many people on YouTube saying idiotic, nasty things, even threatening - now, It would be cool if these people did that and stand for it, by using their real names. Not Donald Duck or SpiritAtHeart and then allow themselves to write all these crazy, nasty, destructive words to another anonymous being. Virtual reality.

So I decided I want to stand for my words, and use my birthname. lol I did stand for my words already, but the act of exposing my identity is for 'them outhere' to see I am standing. I actually don't take shit anymore on my channel on Youtube and neither on the DesteniNL channel. When someone just comes to call Desteni names, or me, or threatening and stuff like that, I just simply block them. Most of the time I put a message on their board or email them why I blocked them and deleted their comments. No abuse allowed. Questening the Desteni material is fine, no problem - but no abuse. That's so cool, this stand, for me it is, because of all the abuse I've allowed throughout my life. And now standing, saying NO, I'm not allowing you. I am not allowing me. Cool.

I will write these guys out of my system in another blog.

08 February 2009


Marianne: What I found in some old chats :
headache--the mind/thoughts either conscious or subconscious--slow down the moment--and reverse time and observe the movement of the thoughts to understand the origin and then do self forgiveness
Top of Head-- Idea of connection with all--thus in SEEparation with all

On pain:
‹Human body› I exist as pain in pain always - and I cannot 'die' - pain will only go when all is done in process
snake tongue› stop pain through self forgiveness
‹Bernard› tala--any pain--system--so-if I have any pain--immediate action
Bernard› and as one clear--pain will become more intense initially as the self awareness as body awareness clears up
02/02/2008 19:10:42 ‹Bernard› use a pill if necessary as painrelief--I do--it is cool-and I sleep
Bernard› pills are a bridge of support if necessary
‹Bernard› all form earth anyway--even synthetic stuff--ask it to specifically support--but do your own process--or it recur
pains in the body is the body as the universal indicating points where attention is required--ask--and we will assist--and learn from each other that we may move more effectively
Pain indicators--sharp pain indicate something influencing in the now/present time
dull pain--the past
pain that feels on the skin slightly lingering--future
Understand- paIn makes sure we reMAIN reALL
18:53:45 ‹Bernard› it is a system release
Bernard› I have them when systems are sorted out--calmly breath through the pain
To assist Pain:
If the pain you experience is a numb pain, like the pain is reasonably slight – it means that there’s a system developing within you through thinking and participating in emotions and feelings that is to still manifest in the future.
If the pain is instantaneous, meaning that the pain come suddenly in a moment, you know that you in that moment accessed something within you – a thought, reaction of emotion or feeling etc. – then STOP for a moment, have a look at where your mind went and forgive that which caused the instantaneous pain.
If the pain is reasonably extensive – a ‘system’ has already manifested within your body which has become so much part of you, meaning that it has become a habitual application you apply during your moment to moment experiences you believe to be you.
Maybe these sorts out some questions.

05 February 2009

Principled Living - cool vids

"You cannot be self honest within the bigger picture because you have no influence. To try and be self honest within a bigger picture where you have no actual influence will only dishearten you and will actually destroy you because that is dishonest - you don't have impact. So how could you then live as if you do have impact? You have impact in your daily life, breath by breath. That is where you apply it. That is where you live the principle of equality and oneness, because that is the only place you can."

Experienced Living and Principled Living #5  Cool interviews!

28 January 2009

Beggars like me

mall shifts in my world - proofing myself to myself, in day to day life.

Sundaymorning waiting at the busstation with my friend and the kids, a man came to us, asking 60 eurocent, so he could take the train home to Zevenaar.

My friend told him no, and he turned to me. I looked at him, in an intense way, I did not hear what he was saying, in me a kind of struggle. I remembered something that was said on the forum about not giving money to beggars because that's how you support this system. At the same time this other belief of me wanting to share was present. I have enough money, so why not give this guy some of it, so he can go home. He probably was a junk, by the looks of him, and by the way he behaved, but first of all I saw another human being. Not a system. And I looked at him not hearing a word he spoke.

I didn't really understand why not to give money, just remembered it, not able to live it, because it was not me, but merely an idea in my head. The 'wanting to share' idea was more prominent, so I ended up with giving him some money. Telling him that if he was lying about why he needed the money, it would be his responsability (whaaaaaa, I actually said that! so dishonest towards him and myself - actually just a justification why I gave him the money, knowing something 'was not right')

Ok, the guy went away and I talked with my friend about what happened. She told me he changed his story why he needed the money, where he was going too and the amount he needed several times while he spoke to me - me not hearing a word he spoke. So it was obvious, common sense, he was not telling the truth and so on. Well, I didn't actually mind - to me this was an interesting encounter with me and the junkie/beggar as me and within me.

I didn't and still don't blame myself, or criticize myself for 'falling for it', or any of this, that's cool. I could see this event was to show me to me.

Later on, back home, I sat down and saw this picture with much detail of the guy in my head, very intense he was here with me. I took him in me and applied sf - on being a junk, a beggar, depending on stuff separated from me/him and more. Then I could actually see I gave him the money because of the addict in me and in him not giving the money I would actually in selfhonesty say 'I am not allowing me to be an addict, not allowing me to depend on something/someone' and that sir, is a brdge too far lol. So at that particular moment (not aware of these thoughts) I felt trapped: saying 'no' would have meant 'I am not allowing you to be addicted, but me, yes, I can be because I have money', so saying 'yes' was the 'easy' way out - well, a little easier. This 'wanting to share', well I'm not clear on that one yet, but surely there are some hidden self interest points! Opening yet another box of Pandora lol.

I'll have to look up the 'beggar stuff' on the forum - I'm not sure if I understand. Or maybe better not, because it would mean just knowledge to me - I do not need more knowledge, I'm stuffed already. How to practically apply, that's what counts.

27 January 2009

Grounding - assisting D and me

23 september 2008

Grounding him in and as the physical - is the 'way to go' - for him to be self aware here of his physical human body.

Ingrid, with D - his experience with regards to the mind and the physical is more 'acute' and 'sensitive' than other children his age - he's at the phase in his years in this world wherein the being 'shifts into the mind-reality' as 'support' / 'as foundation' from which to exist in - as the thoughts/experiences within as emotions/feelings/reactions - are being / have been 'trusted' as being 'who self is / who I am'.
The 'fainting' experience is the manifested physical indication that he's still allowing himself to be 'directed' by what he experiences inside himself - meaning, he completely 'follows' what he experiences within - as though his mind is his leader and he's the obedient servant that without even a moment's consideration - just follow - compromising self completely.
Also, in this to observe Ingrid - how diligently we follow the mind, without question - no consideration for/of self - no regard for/of self - not realising the manifested consequences that go with it.
He's physically experiencing what we've always done, accepted and allowed within ourselves with regards to our relationship to the mind - wherein no 'self here' exists.
Grounding him in and as the physical - is the 'way to go' - for him to be self aware here of his physical human body.
Suggested to show him breathing - share with him, how in being aware of your breathing, assist and support you to always be here - otherwise, the mind will take over and cause experiences that compromise self - to always make sure he 'feels his hands' - that hes aware of his hands touching, of what his hands touch as this is also an indication of being here in and as the physical - and also the experience of touch.
So, with breathing - for 5 - 10 minutes an evening, breathe with him, breathe in, hold for a moment, breathe out, hold for a moment = maybe you could even find music to which to breathe to with the beats = though no words suggested within the music.
With regards to touch - walk around the house/take objects, let him hold them/touch them and then ask him what he experiences as the touch - do this with him - could be fun, also for you.
Even outside is cool - touching plants/grass/sand - while you're making food - touch what you're preparing to eat.
Also let him know - not to 'just give into' what he experiences inside himself - but to share with you when he has an experience inside himself that he doesn't understand and to describe the experience - so that you're able to assist and support him to understand himself and to from there - you assist and support him to direct himself - through him as you, sharing himself with you.

25 January 2009

Osho on Desire

Desire for happiness. Kill it out. It appears very gloomy, sad, life-negating. It is not. The more you desire comfort, the more discomfort will be felt. The more you desire comfort, the more discomfort you are creating for yourself, because discomfort is relative to the desire for comfort. The more you ask for happiness, the more you will be in suffering.
The suffering is a shadow. The greater the desire for happiness, the greater will be the shadow. Ask for happiness and you will never get it. You will only suffer frustration. Why? Because there is only one
way to be happy, and that is to be happy here, now. Happiness is not a result. It is a way of life.

20 January 2009


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed, tired, instead of being HERE, facing what is actually HERE NOW.

What is actually here and now this moment - me here sitting on the coach with my laptop, typing.

I am here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drift off in this feeling of depression because I don't know how to handle stuff. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a feeling of being depressed and acting it out, instead of being here, not of and in the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to create 'I do not know how to handle this stuff' and acting and feeling accordingly, instead of being here and just let things be what they are, nothing more, nothing less. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the need to 'handle this stuff' out of fear of what might happen when I do not 'handle this stuff' - instead of me being here, realizing 'stuff will handle' itself without me wanting/needing to control the outcome out of fear of the outcome. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the outcome - instead of me being here, realizing 'the outcome' is not here but in the future, so no business of mine NOW and HERE.

I am here. Sitting on the coach, typing sf on the laptop.

01 January 2009

2009 Humans Provided ENERGY for Heaven to Exist

-19 April 2009 -
...Or I mean, all this Energy that you have during your orgasmic -experience, you're masturbating and Whoa! - I mean, theres this Energy and then its gone. It is not back in your body you can check. Where did it go?
Nobody noticed I mean, Who cares? I''m satisfied, this is a Consumption - Existence.
You are not aware AT ALL of anything you''re doing. Youre not aware of what youre participating in AT ALL.
You can go and have a look: For instance, when you fall in love, that Energy-sparks that happen, that you direct to somebody and then the relationship falls apart eventually, but there was all this Energy, where did it go to? It was Consumed. Yes, part of it you have consumed.
The rest was fascinatingly channelled to Heaven.
Heaven could not exist without Energy.
Desteni In discussion with Bernard Poolman ,  

For the complete discussion of 83 Minutes:
ZeroPoint, Enlightenment and A Higher Path 1 and 2
part 1
http://www.livevideo.com/video/Desten... part 2

2009 The Fall of God - by Bernard Poolman

Ok – We’re going to Discuss
‘The Fall of God’
Remember ‘Everything is in Reverse’ that means: if it’s written it was ‘The Fall of Man’ what does it mean? It’s not ‘The Fall of Man’, it’s ‘The Fall of God’ – ‘Everything is in Reverse’ –
If you start studying every-single thing that’s written Here in this Reality and you ‘Reverse-it’, you’re gonna start finding-out ‘what’s going on’.
So- ‘The Fall of God’ is ‘The Creation of Man’ in ‘The ‘Image’ and ‘Likeness’ of ‘God’’ and Man ‘Exist’-As ‘What’? As a ‘Name’, as ‘Words’ that is apparently-‘Alive’ which is ‘The Living Words’, ‘You are ‘The ‘Living Word’’ you read-from ‘The Living Word’ the ‘Holy-Books’ that ‘Tell’-you all-about: ‘God’.
What is-it really ‘Telling’-you? It´s ‘Telling’-you all-about ‘You’ = You’re The ‘Gods’ that’s ‘Fallen’.

The Question is ‘How?’ ‘How’ did you manage to ‘Fall’ and in that Process ‘Created’- Yourself as Only-‘Pictures’, ‘Images’ and ‘Likenesses’ – Nothing Real- So, if it says you’re ‘The ‘Image’ and ‘Likeness’ of ‘God’’ - I mean, what does it say? That you’re ‘Nothing like ‘God’’, you’re not ‘the Same’, you’ve Abdicated ‘All of-it’, ‘Everything’ and you have No-Way of ‘getting-it back’, Ever – Now I’ll explain to-you ‘Why’: You must Understand that if you look-at ‘History’ that is available to be ‘studied’, you’ll notice it started ‘suddenly’.

When Earth was first ‘Considered’ as ‘the Point’ where ‘Creation’ could have become something ‘different’, ‘Substantial’- ‘those’ in the Universe that you can-call ‘The Creator Gods’ saw an Opportunity – their Opportunity was simplistic, they had a Problem: the ‘Substance’ with-which they were working – which was Earth = they did Not ‘Understand’, it was ‘behaving’- ‘differently’ to anything they have ‘worked’-with up to that moment. So they needed to do a lot of ‘Research’ which they did over a long period of Time. The ‘Research’ was done by ‘placing’ ‘Beings’ into various ‘Forms’ that was ‘Designed’ from the Earth – that you would call ‘Bodies’ today – and to ‘Observe’ ‘What’ they ‘Respond’-to and ‘How’ their ‘Responses’ could be ‘Managed’. So, by the Time ‘the ‘Story of Jesus’ is ‘set’ to have-‘happened’, and the ‘point’ that was ‘shared’ then that ‘Angel-Gods’ can be ‘seen’-as one of the Primary ‘Starting-Points’, because at that ‘stage’ already – which is 2000 years-ago – Man was already-‘Trapped’, it means all the ‘Gods’ were already-‘Trapped’ as ‘Pictures’ and Unable to ‘get-out’
Now, ‘How did this ‘Happen’’?

Initially in the ‘Research’ in-which was ‘Created’ the ‘Male’ and the ‘Female’ ‘Form’, the ‘Separation’ that took-place, a consideration was-to have a-look ‘what happens’ in the ‘Interaction’ between ‘the Male’ and ‘the Female’ Interdimensionally was ‘Observed’ the ‘Creation’ of ‘Energy’, an ‘Energy’ that-you ‘Experience’ when you’re having-Sex for instance and so on, but you don’t ‘See’ where it goes – it goes somewhere- that ‘Energy’ was for instance as an example your ‘Energy’ that-is coming from ‘Sex’, ‘Anger’- any ‘form’ of ‘conflict’ or ‘friction’ between two ‘parts’ of the Earth as ‘Living-Beings’ – ‘Male’ and ‘Female’ or even ‘Male’ and Male’ or ‘Female’ and ‘Female’ – with any point of Interaction that brings ‘Friction’ in some-way would ‘Create’ in that Process an ‘Energy’. This Energy then was ‘taken’ and ‘studied’ and ‘considered’ and it was utilized – it was amazing what could be done with this ‘Energy’ in the ‘Realm’ that you are ‘not-in now’ - call it ‘the Other Side’- So they found this ‘Energy’ they could do with-it many-things. So with-it was created ‘the Heavens’ and the ‘Soul-Construct’

The ‘Soul Construct’ was a ‘Energetic-Body’ a ‘Heavenly-Body’, a ‘Body of Light’, a ‘Body of Bliss’ – or whatever you wanna call-it, it was a ‘Body of Energy’ - that was used as something to be ‘Aspired’-to – so that means it was utilized by getting ‘All the Gods in the Universe’ together and say to-them: ‘But Here we have discovered ‘something more’, something you didn’t ‘know’ about’- Because, ‘the Gods’ itself in the Universe - which were you - had an ‘Expiry-Date’, you ‘came’-from ‘Planets’ and you ‘return’-to ‘Planets’ – there was No ‘Process’ of ‘Birth’ as it is Here on Earth.

So, they got it all-together and, ‘showed’ an Interesting-‘Possibility’ and that was that there could be a New-‘Form’ of ‘Creation’ which would-bring an ‘Eternal-Life’ and obviously for Any-‘Being’ that ‘Died’, the ‘Promise’ of ‘Eternal-Life’ was quite ‘inviting’ – Now obviously you must not understand ‘Death’ in the terms-of what you now Experience after a ‘short time’ - I mean, ‘Beings’ could exist for ‘millions of years’ compared-to what you now ‘Exist’-as. It was simply not something that One can ‘Understand’ within the ‘context’ of this ‘Reality’ – so we’re gonna stick-to the things that’s ‘Relevant’ to Your-‘Existence’ as ‘Who you are now’ as a ‘Name’ where you’re Living attempting to-‘Make a Name’ for Yourself - which is ‘How’ everybody’s ‘living’. ‘Man’ attempting to-‘Make a Name’, and then ‘based’-on that ‘Name’ you have ‘Value’ with-which you can ‘Manipulate’ ‘other-Names’ and therefore your ‘Name’ carries ‘weight’ and is ‘written-down’ and it is in-then, in ‘books’ as your ‘Attainment’, ‘you leave-it behind’ for the Generations to come.

With the ‘Creation of the Soul’ obviously there was a ‘Attainment’- ‘Possibility’ but the ‘Attainment’ was Presented in such a way that it could only be ‘Attained’-through ‘going-through’ Earth. Now, since ‘Everybody’-knew that ‘Everybody’ came-from ‘Planets’, it was quite ‘Common-Sense’ - you ‘go-through’ Earth from which you ‘arise’ and from-that you ‘Attain’ and, you get a ‘Eternal-Body’= ‘The Soul’ – It became thus the ‘Sole-Purpose’ of Everyone, to ‘do-that’. Now, what was another-‘point’ that was interesting as it was ‘Researched’ obviously by the ‘Time’ this was ‘in’ ready to be Implemented, what did they already-know? They could ‘Impulse’ ‘the Reality of Earth’ – which was a ‘Sound Reality’– by ‘Creating’ a ‘Timeline’.

Now in-terms of-‘Time’ - in our ‘Reality’ as it ‘Exist’, ‘Time’ is really actually-‘moving’- So what they would-do is: ‘the point’ was ‘what’? An ‘Entry’-Level and an ‘Attainment’-Level - For everybody it was said that your ‘Attainment’ would-be: ‘You Become a ‘Soul’. What was Not-said is more-important, is that you will only be able to ‘Become a ‘Soul’’ if-You ‘Submit’ to the ‘Creator-Gods’ for ‘Eternity’, which would mean – because at that ‘stage’ they’ve already found-out something interesting: they ‘need’ a continuous ‘support’, ‘supply’ of this ‘Energy’ to be able to ‘Maintain’ their ‘Reality’, so they obviously need ‘Beings’ Continuously ‘Attaining’ or ‘Trying’ to-‘Become ‘Souls’’ and then from there, ‘Supporting’ the whole ‘System’.

Now, we have ‘touched’ a little-bit on all the various ‘Civilizations’ that was existent in the Universe,
and some of-them obviously had Particular-‘Skills’- some which was utilized ‘specifically’ in the ‘Creation’ of ‘Systems’ ‘Interdimensionally’ which was found to have an ‘Effect’ on ‘Sound’ on the ‘Physicality of Earth’.

So, just ‘in-brief’ I’m at this stage going to ‘Explain’ to-you ‘How’ some of the ‘points’ came-about.
So what they then did, is they ‘Created’ an ‘Interactive’- ‘Timeline’ of ‘Events’ that would ‘Move’ in ‘Waves of Polarity’: ‘up and down’ - up/down, up/down, up/down, up/down – which means you’ll have a ‘Creative-Point’ and then a ‘Destructive-Point’ then a ‘Creative-Point’, then a ‘Destructive-Point’-
And that would be ‘Aligned’-with ‘another-Being’ – so you have a ‘Male’/ ‘Female’ - you have ‘two’ ‘moving-together’, which then ‘cause’ an ‘Interactive’ ‘Timeline’ which is the way ‘DNA’ is represented.

And within that ‘Timeline’- that ‘Line’ of ‘Movement’, which is ‘in the ‘Timeline’’ that is ‘Presented’, ‘Embedded’, ‘Ingrained’ and ‘Gridded’- in that ‘Grid’ you-have now your ‘DNA’ that ‘Activates’ according-to the ‘Timeline’ that ‘unfolds’ – So if you look at-it ‘moving’ your ‘Life’ would be ‘layered’ in the ‘Movement of Time’, which is according-to ‘Your-‘movement’’- you establish that ‘Movement’ is as ‘you-move’ in your ‘Life’ you come, you ‘meet’ a person, you ‘touch’ the person - at that ‘touch’, an ‘Energetic-Event’ take-place, it ‘moves-your’ ‘time-line’ ‘forward’, and the next-‘Point’ in your Existence ‘unfold’, which-will Always-start if it is ‘something’ that is particularly-‘there’ to get-you to ‘Submission’: it’ll Always-start with a ‘High-Note’, with something-‘good’ – and it’ll take-you to the ‘pinnacle’ of- that, and then it’s ‘removed’ and then you ‘fall to the bottom’ - and every time you ‘fall to the bottom’ of this ‘Line’ as you ‘move’-through your Lives - ‘Life after Life’ - you will Accept ‘less and less’ and you will ‘Compromise’ and say: “ok but I wanna-get ‘back-there’” and then in ‘trying to-get ‘back-there’, the message will-be: ‘But you can only-get ‘back-there’ if you ‘give-this-up’ and so you start to ‘give-up’ things - Things about Yourself and you start to ‘leave-it behind’ in this ‘Timeline’, which is similar to having it ‘Saved’ as a ‘Memory’ within a ‘Hard-Drive’. And as you ‘leave-it behind’, by the ‘Time’ you get to ‘Death’, have a-look at an Old Person ‘what’s left’? They´re Completely-‘drained’ through their Experiences – Have they ‘become’ a ‘Better-Being’? ‘something-More’? when where them, Anybody ‘been their ‘Best’’? When they were young, ‘full of Energy’, ‘Hope’ and – I mean ‘ready’ for this whole-‘Process’, but that means they should’ve become ‘Better’, I mean, they are ‘Evolving’ – What ‘Happens’? They Become-‘Less’ – and what do they ‘Honor’? this ‘Point’ where the ‘Old’-one at the least, is the ‘Point’ that’s ‘Honored’, that ‘Automatically’ ‘Imprints’-on the Young.

So now, a person moves through this ‘Program-Timeline’ that ‘Presents-Itself’ as in ‘Coded- Symbolic-Information’ – which is currently ‘measured’ as ‘DNA’, and it ‘moves’-through the ‘Spiraling-Effect’ - as a ‘Fibonacci-Spiral’ within a ‘Sequence’ of ‘Events’, which is ‘based’-on an ‘High-Experience’ and a ‘Low-Experience’, with the ‘Low-Experience’ being ‘the Bad’ and the ‘High’ the ‘Good, so that you will-always when you are in ‘the Bad’ you’ll ‘move’ to ‘the Good’– and therefore you keep-on ‘moving-yourself’ through-this, because ‘Automatically’ when you get to ‘the Bad’ ‘what do you wanna-do? ‘Get to the Good’ - imagine the next-Mountain, and the ‘Mountains’ has even-become ‘Symbolic’ ‘Wonderful-Achievements’ that is ‘Spiritual’ and ‘Religious’ in-‘nature’ and therefore you ‘aspire’ to get to your next ‘Mountain’ – What are you not ‘Realizing’? As you continue have a-look, it happens in ‘Spirituality’: you give-up ‘more and more and more’ of yourself and in-‘that’ you’re ‘Apparently’ ‘Becoming a Master’, it’s said you’re ‘Mastering-Yourself’, you have to ‘Give-up Everything’ – once you ‘Give-up’ ‘Everything’= then you’re a ‘Master’, you’re no-longer ‘Controlled’ by ‘the Physical’.

What have you ‘Completed’? you have ‘Completed’ your ‘Abdication’-of ‘You’ - into ‘Eternal-Damnation’ -

Extremely ‘well-done’ I mean, this was ‘so well-done’ that you are ‘so consumed’ by ‘Living this Process, at the ‘Hope’ that ‘You’ are ‘Special’, ‘You’ are ‘Divine’, ‘You’ are ‘Looked-after by ‘God’’, You’re gonna-get through-this’, that you do-not Realize that ‘slowly but surely’ You’re Losing-You.
So – All that was ‘Required’ within-this, was a ‘History’ that would ‘Always’ go to the ‘worst-case scenario’ – if you look-back at all History, what ‘Happens’? And also, ‘Always’: Any Person that ‘Stands-Up’ and ‘take-on Reality’, always gets ‘Annihilated’ and those that ‘Give-up Everything’ of themselves and ‘Become Masters’, they’re the ones that is ‘Aspired’-to and is those-that will ‘‘Lead’-You to Your ‘Eternal-Soul’’.

Now have a-look: your ‘Timeline’ takes on - ‘What’? The ‘Symbolism’ of a: ‘Path’ - you are seeking ‘Your-Path’ that ‘works’ for-You, and within-that you ‘Accept’ in ‘Your Path’ there’s gonna be ‘Ups and Downs’, and these ‘Ups and Downs’ is going to be the things that’s going to make-‘you’ a ‘Better-Person’ –
I mean go and look at the ‘Old People’ - how ‘Good’ are they? They can barely-speak their ‘Names’, they’re a ‘Better-Person’ isn’t it? They can barely-remember anything; they can barely-wipe their own asses, ‘Oh! They’ve become a ‘Better-Person’’ Now they’re going to ‘Die’ and ‘Get their Soul’ -
What they didn’t ‘know’ obviously, is that the ‘Soul’ was ‘Energetically-Programmable’ by the Same-‘Symbolism’, so that ‘the Moment you Die’= Somebody ‘meet-you’ and ‘Remove’ your ‘Energetic-Memories’ that you have ‘left behind’ and ‘place-it’ in the ‘Akashic-Record’.
That’s all the ‘Parts’ of-You you have now already ‘given-away’, but that’s made ‘Holy’ - because you are ‘on a ‘Path’ of ‘Evolving’’ to a ‘Higher-Purpose’ –
Do You ‘See’ that ‘Purpose’ in the ‘Path’, unfolding of those that’s gone before-you? No!
What do you see ‘unfold’? You see ‘Machines’ unfold, you see ‘Control’ unfold, you see your ‘Ability’ to Reason for Yourself ‘Constructively’ Diminish and all you have to do is ‘go-back’ 30, 40 years and you will Not be Able to do the exam papers from ‘that time’ – your ‘Ability’ to ‘Deal-with Information’ has ‘Diminished’ Considerably.

‘How did it ‘Happen’’? Through ‘this Process’, of slowly but surely ‘siphoning’-away - with your ‘Permission’! - Yourself.
Now, you are ‘scattered’ in a ‘Construct’ called ‘Time’ throughout ‘Infinity’ and you can´t ‘Remember’ Where you have ‘Left Yourself’, on ‘all the ‘Parts’ of Yourself’, which is quite a problem, because in-‘Essence’: to get-it all ‘back’, you´re going to have to ‘Walk in Reverse’, that means ‘Walk’ Everything that you have done up to now, throughout billions and billions of years in ‘Giving-up’ Your-‘Self’ - to ‘bring-Yourself’ ‘back-together’ again.
What was ‘more interesting’ in this whole ‘Point, was that - In all of ‘This’, while they were ‘Creating´ This - something else was ‘Happening’ that they did not Consider: Earth was Changing. Earth was ‘Alive’, and Earth was Not-necessarily ‘Aligned’ with ‘what they were doing’.

So - When they Realized ‘the Problem’, they needed to ‘Automate’ the ‘System’.
And they needed to make-sure that ‘No-One will ‘Ever’ get-out of This’. To do that, they started ‘Programming’-into these ‘sequences’: ‘Nastiness’ to a level that is never-been ‘seen’ before, as you see-it today in ‘Reality’ - That ‘Nastiness’ is what has Become-‘You’, because it is ‘Symbolically-Triggered’ as your ‘Symbolism’, as your ‘Resonant-Symbols’, as you ‘move-through’ your ‘Timeline’ and ‘comes-up’ as ‘Thoughts’ about other-people -until that ‘Thought’ becomes ‘the Living You’, where you have those ‘Thoughts’ of other-people ‘all the Time’ – and you find yourself ‘Unable’ to Consider anyone as ‘Equal’ because you ‘Judge’ them all, all the Time. And have a-‘look’: if you´re ‘Self-Honest’, you´ll notice your ‘Total-Existence’ ‘Exist’ out-of ‘One-thing’: You´re Always ‘Right’ and Everybody-else is Always ‘Wrong’. – and you´re busy-with ‘Your Life-Path’ and no one can fucking tell-you anything about that, and you will walk this ‘Alone’, all by Yourself and You will ‘get- it’- I promise you, you won’t. You are ‘Essentially’ ‘Fucked’ for Eternity.
There is No Way Out.

Not as long as this ‘Exist’ -and ‘to get-out of this’, you´re going to have to get, Become ‘Self-Honest’ and as you´ve already-noticed, I mean, how long have some of you been on the Farm? What is the most difficult thing that Exist?
Self-Honesty - Your Ability to ‘Stop’ your ‘Resonant-Thoughts’, most difficult. You will always ‘Change’- it, for ‘your own benefit’, no-matter ‘what’ – You Will-Not ‘Stand’ for ‘Life’.

Your Own Interest is Predominant and therefore, what ‘Happens’? All that ‘Happens’ is just ‘New Cycles’, same ‘Timeline’s, same ‘shit’ – No Change. And also No possibility of Change -
Why? These things are Existing In you, As you - You are this.
And within that, you are ‘Programmed’ to ‘Fear this Change’ so much - that you will-Not Consider ‘Changing’, your are Not willing to ‘give-that-up’ – because something is going to ‘Happen’ when you ‘give-this-up’: Your gonna become ‘Empty’, have no ‘Thoughts’, have ‘No Mind’ – How are you gonna Interact in this Reality? And Really, you are - when that happens - there is ‘nothing’, you can´t speak properly, you can´t ‘reason’ properly – Nothing. That´s what´ll ‘Happen’ - You´re still gonna be Here, as the ‘Physical Body’, but the ‘Physical Body’ is now without the ‘Machine’ that was ‘running’-it.

And it´s gonna take some ‘effort’ to Transcend all of those ‘points’ and obviously, if you have ‘No Support’ - which you´re not gonna have because people is gonna say to you: “No, Impossible, I mean, we are here living In ‘God´s Reality’” – “‘God’ gave us ‘Free Will’, ‘Free Choice’, to Fuck-Ourselves” – I mean, Old-People should be advertised as the reason ‘why you shouldn’t live’. I mean, if you start listening to them, you hear the obvious nature of a major problem that is taking place – this ‘Being’ is completely going Fucking ‘Insane’ and it is seen as an ‘Attainment’ and they´re now gonna get a Fucking ‘Soul’ - Where is the ‘CommonSense’ Logic in all of this that´s ‘Happening’? Where is our ‘Great Thinkers’? Which you must now admit the ones that ‘see’-themselves as the ‘Great Thinkers’ of Reality, is the ‘Atheists’. Where are they not being able to See such ‘simplicity’ of the problem? That there is Not a ‘Progression’ taking-place - there is a ‘Devolution’ taking-place.

Why? They´re in the same ‘fucking-thing’, they´re no-‘different’, they are ‘Trapped’ in exactly the same thing – it´s Irrelevant, It is Totally-Irrelevant what you ‘believe’-in. Your Religion means Nothing, it is Irrelevant what you are ‘believing’-in – because in ‘Self-Honesty’: ‘the Construct of your Thoughts’ and the ‘Actions’ you will-‘take’ in your ‘Reality’, are all the same for everyone. You all have exactly the same ‘desires’, you have all the exactly the same ‘wishes’, you have just various-levels of-it ‘Emerging’, depending-on ‘where you are’ in your ‘Timeline’, because all of these ‘Timelines’ are ‘running concurrently’ in various-‘Gridlines’ - so another-one will be running ‘there’, another-one will be running-‘there’ - but they are not ‘Synchronizing’. They´re only Synchronizing with those People that you are going to ‘meet’, which is a very small ‘group of people’ in this Reality, very few people that you´ll meet through a ‘Lifetime’, compared to all the People that´s ‘Here’. And with those, you´ll have a ‘Synchronistic-Connection’ – it´s because your bloody ‘Timelines’ are ‘Synchronized’ within the ‘Gridline’ and you are through the ‘Resonant-Symbols’, experiencing the ‘Energetic-Interaction’ that takes-place and all of-that ‘Energy’ was always going to ‘Heaven’, and you were ‘fueling’ ‘Heaven’.

So they then ‘Created’ a ‘Closed-System’, because they had a Problem:
‘The System’ was Becoming ‘Alive’ and they needed it to make-sure it´s going to be able to ‘Feed’-them firstly, and secondly they needed to make-sure, that No-One can ‘break’-out ‘the System’ - Therefore they made it a complete ‘Madness’ – which is now ‘Predominant’, where ‘each one’ that is in this ‘Reality’: Believes ‘they have ‘The Answer’’ and what they Believe, is ‘The Answer’ and they will-Not, and they are Not-willing to ‘give-up’ their ‘Way of Thinking’, ‘their Path’ - they believe ‘their Path’ will ‘Lead’-them to ‘The Answer’ – it will… ‘Lead-you’ to ‘The Answer’: What I´ve just explained to you – Where you´re Totally-‘Fucked’, which is ‘The Answer’ – it will ‘Lead-you’ to ‘The Answer’ I mean, it ‘Will’.

When we Realized the extend of the problem – we also Realized that Nobody is going to want to Hear-this.
This is the most Difficult message Ever – because all the ‘Synchronicities’ – all the timelines and the ‘Paths’ –
Are Deliberately ‘Playing-Out’ - to reject Anything, that contradicts the Being´s ‘inner experience’, which are ‘Resonantly Programmed’. So therefore, the Being will look you in the eyes – They will go into a reaction on what you´re saying, they believe what they ‘feel’ – and they will walk-away. They will Die – we meet them on ‘the other side’ and they´re fucked and they said: “I´m so sorry – I didn’t listen”- Too late! I mean, too late.

So, obviously - what do we ‘know’?
We know that: Everyone ‘Was ‘Gods’’ and is ‘No-More’ - I mean, if you were a ‘God’ you would fuck-‘knows’ be able to ‘get-out’ of your shit, but you’re ‘Unable’ to, you’re not-even ‘Able’ to ‘Stop your own Thoughts’. There is No ‘Divinity’ within-you, because if there were ‘any’= you would’ve been ‘able’ to be ‘Self-Honest’, because ‘Divinity’ Implies a ‘level’ of ‘Morality’ that is ‘Consistent’ – That is Not-‘Existent’.
All that ‘Exist’ - is a ‘God of Judgement’: ‘The Mind’.

All you do is ‘Judging’ and as you-‘Judge’= you’ll be ‘Judged’ – I mean because, exactly what you are ‘becoming’: is what you are ‘seeing’ in Everyone - It’s the ‘Greatest Joke’ in the fucking Universe – Exactly ‘What you ‘Judge’ in others’, is what You will ‘end-up’ as, you are actually ‘Creating-Yourself’ in ‘Seeing-Yourself’ in others. And that keeps you-‘moving’ in your ‘Timeline’ because you say: “I don’t wanna be that bad like that fucker there! I mean – “I will walk my path!” And then you keep-on ‘walking’ and where do you ‘end-up’? you say: “I don’t wanna be like my Parents!” - and where do you ‘end-up’? … Like your Parents.

Will you ‘Stop’? I would say: ‘Unlikely’.
We have Investigated every-possible ‘Intervention’ in Reality - to bring-forth a ‘Consideration’, where Humanity ‘Individually’ and as a ‘Whole’, would Consider that ‘there-is ‘something-wrong’ with what is going-on with ‘Life’ on Earth’ – and that ‘What is ‘Happening’’ has to-do with ‘What ‘Happens’ after-‘Death’’ - And ‘That’ is not even Investigated, because you’re so ‘preoccupied’ with ‘your Path’ and that you’re gonna get a ‘Reward’ after-‘Death’, which is Exactly the same-thing that ‘happens’ within the ‘System’ when you ‘run a business’ or when you are ‘busy’ with-your ‘occupation’:
you are so focused-on ‘Making a ‘Name’ for Yourself, that you don’t ‘care’ what the fuck you have to do to ‘do-it’. And we’ve Tested the ‘shit’- out, I mean, to check – it was like you can’t ‘Believe’ that this is Fucking-Possible. We’ve Tested this ‘shit’-out, I mean we ‘placed’ the videos, ‘Tested it-out’, ‘Impulsed’-it – I mean when that Sunette had a ‘tough-time’ because she had ‘No Idea’ what the ‘next-move’ will-be, as we were ‘Testing’ ‘the points’-out.
What can I say? It is Possible to ‘Stop’ this.

We will be working with that with the ‘Structural-Resonance Alignment’. We can’t ‘help’ Everyone - this is a ‘Physical’- ‘Timeline’, this is as a Total-‘Timeline’, ‘moving’ towards an ‘Evolutionary-Step’ - which is ‘Pre-Programmed’ - that will ‘Remove’ All ‘Ability’ of ‘Self-Evaluation’ where you will-be a ‘Complete Robot’ – Then ‘the System’ is ‘Completed’ as an ‘Energetic-Driven’-‘Force’ that is ‘Self-Managed’, ‘Self-Corrective’ - I mean: ‘the Ultimate System’. Obviously they did-not ‘expect’ there’s gonna be a ‘fuck-up’ -

Because Information could be so easily-‘Manipulated’, which would have made-it so much more ‘difficult’ to get-to all the points of ‘what the fuck is ‘going-on’’: we Deleted the ‘Akashic Records’ and all of your ‘stuff’, so that you have a ‘clean slate’ ‘in-Fact’ – if you would ‘dare’ to take-it. Everything that You Are, is ‘Existent’ within the ‘System of Consciousness’ – you don’t ‘need’ the ‘Akashic Record’, you don’t-‘need’ your ‘Past Lives’, you don’t-‘need’ to know ‘where’ and ‘what has happened’ - All you have to do, is ‘deal’ with This ‘Physical Reality’ and what is ‘Happening’ in ‘This-Reality’ and ‘Amalgamate’-yourself with ‘What is Here’ and ‘Direct’ ‘What is Here’, ‘Equal’ and ‘One’ - and you ‘Solve the Problem’.
You could-not be ‘Given’ That - which you have ‘Given-away’ because then you would be a ‘Slave’.
You can Never be a ‘God’ again, unless you are ‘Self-Willed Equals’.
If that does not ‘happen’= You Will Not Exist.

You have ‘caused’-it, no one else. You cannot ‘blame-anyone’ for what has ‘happened’ to-you, you cannot-‘blame anyone’ for the ‘Thoughts’ that has ‘Happening’ within-you, you cannot ‘blame-anyone’ for the ‘Judgements’ you-have about-‘others’, you cannot ‘blame-anyone’ for the ‘Desires’ you hold, you cannot ‘blame-anything’ and ‘anyone’ for What you’re ‘Allowing’ within Yourself’ as Your ‘Weakness’ – ‘You’re doing-it’ - and you’re doing-it Deliberately, you’re ‘Not-Willing’ to ‘give-it-up’ - That’s why you’re Not ‘Willing’ to ‘Breathe’.

And I mean, I can show each-one of you - that ‘In-Essence’ you haven’t ‘Changed’. You’re just the same, and it’s getting-‘worse’ - every now and then – then we have to ‘Intervene’, ‘show’ you ‘what you’re doing’ and then you are all: ‘Oh, God, what am I doing?’ But then you do-it again.
So now we’re going-to in time to come - the next couple of weeks and months, how long, whatever it takes – keep on Explaining to-you in ‘Absolute’ Fucking-‘Detail’ ‘How’ you Became ‘What the Fuck You are Now’ - You will have No-Excuse - and you’re going to have to ‘Stop-Yourself’ – Remember we started with that message from the very Beginning: You Have to ‘Stop’.
You cannot ‘Re-Gain’ ‘what you were’. The Fact that you could ‘Fall’ as ‘God’ means: you can Never be ‘God’ again, because it cannot be ‘Trusted’ –
That make-sense?
Everyone: ‘Yeah’.
It’s Over.

What are you going to ‘Become’ ? We don’t know, but it cannot-be ‘what you were’, and it cannot-be ‘what you are now’. It’s gonna-have to be ‘something’ that is going to have to be ‘Really New’ and ‘Consistent’ and ‘Trustworthy’. And if you cannot ‘Deal’-with ‘the Basic ‘Resonant-Energies’ of the Universe’ - which is Your ‘Mind’, how can you ‘Expect’ to have ‘Any Say’ in What ‘Happens’ in ‘Reality’? I mean you are in ‘This Reality’ where all you have to-do is ‘Deal with what ‘goes-on’ inside-you’, and according to that, ‘Act’ with others in ‘Equality’ and ‘Dignity’ - You can’t do that. How can you ‘Expect’-Anything?
Is this clear?
Everyone: ‘Yes’.

We’ll continue at another time, so - this is just a ‘basic outline’ of ‘The Fall of God’ - and how you find-yourself ‘Here’ within the ‘Movement of Time’ within the ‘Cycles of Polarity’, being ‘the Ups’ and ‘the Downs’ and how it is ‘Symbolically-Activated’ as ‘Time Moves’. You’re not ‘Moving’ = ‘Time’ is ‘Moving’. Your ‘Actions’ or ‘Movements’ within this Reality, are purely you ‘Interacting’ with the ‘Symbolism’ that is-already ‘In Time’ - you have ‘Appointments’ and ‘Disappointments’ - that’s how you’re ‘Interacting’: You’re ‘seeking-out’ your ‘Appointments’ because that’s your ‘Synchronicities’ and you try and avoid your ‘Disappointments’. And in that way, there’s so many different ‘Dimensional’-ways you’re being ‘Directed’ by Time’. That’s why ‘Time’ says: ‘Tie-Me’ – ‘I am Tied’ - ‘You are Tied’ to ‘What you have Allowed’.

There are many ‘Beings’ in the Universe that are Not-‘Part’ of the ‘Original-Gods’ which You Are - They are busy ‘taking your place’, You better ‘hurry-up’. They could Demand that you should-Experience what they had-to, ‘in your Name’ –
But at the moment they seem to be ‘Forgiving’. The only one’s that can’t ‘Forgive’ - is You.

So – Consider what we are saying, we have shared ‘very little’ – ‘Deliberately’. Because ‘That’ which walk as ‘Humans in the flesh’ on this Earth, is the most ‘Deceptive’-things Imaginable - that is Only Existing in Self-Interest and Self-Pleasure and only ‘look after’ their own asses, not interested in anything else - We have proven-that in Every-way Imaginable. I frankly would be surprised if ‘That’ which is ‘Emerging’ from the Universe, would ‘Forgive’. I would think it would-be a ‘Mistake’ - Because That was so ‘Definitive’, the Possibility - ‘Self-Forgiveness’ was Introduced, because that ‘placed’ the Responsibility ‘In your Own Hands’ – so you can’t ‘blame’ no one - If you are: find-out after ‘Death’ that you are ‘Fucked’. You are ‘Responsible’ at this stage, for Yourself-Only - To ‘Equalize-Yourself’- with ‘That’ which at this ‘stage’, you cannot-even ‘Imagine’ Exists. You ‘Used to Know’- Do not use your Imagination because that’s ‘Programmed’ -You can’t ‘Trust’-anything that is ‘Inside-you’.

We’ll continue ‘Next-Time’.

Bernard Poolman - articles
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